its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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