Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
