So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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