Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
