Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
