Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
