I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
