K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
