I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
