just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
