There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
