she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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