then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
