I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
