I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize