So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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