So drunk its hurt
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
