Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
