I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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