YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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