Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
