He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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