I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
