I feel great
I just peed on a car
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
