Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
