I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
