just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
