Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
