I could make wine with my vomit
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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