Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
