Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
