I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
