I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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