Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
