I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
