her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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