WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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