Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
