We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
