I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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