That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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