Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
