I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
