I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
