9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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