she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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