everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize