connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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