Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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