i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
