and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
