By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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