dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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