"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize