Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
