My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
