did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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