so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
