What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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