True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
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