I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
only you would photoshop your dick
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
