their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
