if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
