I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You dont lie about slip and slides
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
