if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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