He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
