a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
