just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
