I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
