There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
