Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
