Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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