i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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